The Worst City in the World

-->

Leaving Nashville, we got on the road early and hit the long, straight, flat highways that permeate Middle America. We hit 4 states along the drive: Tennessee, Kentucky, Illinois, and, of course, Missouri. Our first destination was the Anheuser-Busch factory for a free tour. This was much harder to get to than I expected, because apparently St. Louis doesn’t believe in having drivable streets or working stoplights.

Whoever created this road system must have consulted in the Northern Virginia area, because getting lost seems to immediately take you across the river to the very seedy East St. Louis, in the same way that every wrong turn in Virginia seems to lead to PG County. Several of the stoplights were just flashing red, which to the people of St. Louis apparently meant to tentatively inch fully into the intersection and then finally go through when it’s obvious that nobody else will. It is hands down the least navigable city that I’ve ever been to.

Once we finally found it, the Anheuser-Busch factory was a fun place. The tour itself was very mechanical, mostly a list of large numbers and historic events. The factory was a mix of old timey robber-baron industrialism and modern assembly lines, giving the feel that we’d just won a golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s beer factory. The best part was the end, where each tour member got to have 2 free beers at the bar. Definitely worth the price.

In the evening, we went out on the town and happened upon another group of road trippers from Brooklyn. They had a much different strategy from us, having left New York the same day they decided to do the trip. They were interesting characters, one of whom claimed to be a prolific graffiti artist who tagged things “EM.” He at one point considered tagging “that big arch thing over there” until we informed him that it might not be a very good idea. They were also on their way to Memphis, and we exchanged numbers, so we may well see them again on the trip.

Thanks again to the Priceline Negotiator®, we scored a hotel room that was without a doubt the best we’ve stayed in thus far, located as close as physically possible to the Arch.

It was 4 stars, so everything was very high quality, though there were fewer free amenities than some of the other places we’ve stayed. The highlight of the night was definitely when I made two ball-in-a-cups at once, amazingly caught on film in its entirety (coming soon to youtube). Overall, St. Louis was able to overcome the bad first impression, but if I never return here, I’ll be satisfied. Memphis tomorrow should be better. -J